Facebook: The New Threat to Marriages...?

Rev. Cedric Miller (AP Photo/Asbury Park Press)

This is the second post I've done in a few weeks regarding social networking. This time it's marriage. Rev. Cedric Miller states about twenty couples from his church have experienced marital problems because of Facebook. He wants to ban Facebook in his church for married couples.

If you know anything about me, you know that I have a deep belief in marriage. In though I'm not married yet I believe marriage is good. The unity of man and woman is right and obviously plays a major role in the circle of life. What I do not believe is that a person should ban a social networking site UNLESS there has been a specific problem in that marriage due to the site.

Let's be real, FACEBOOK IS NOT THE PROBLEM. PEOPLE ARE. Hear me out on this. I use Facebook frequently, everyday actually. With the current movie I'm shooting I use Facebook constantly to contact my actors and find new ones as well as chatting with friends. Facebook is an awesome utility, but not a living breathing person. It makes no moral choices. If you know that your spouse is either a skank or simply not good at controlling their desires then FB may be a problem, but for many normal people, it's not.

Before you jump down my throat consider this. If you decide to cheat on your spouse or vice verse because you met someone on Facebook then you probably would've done it with someone you met in a coffee shop or bar or wherever. Let's be real, it's who you are as a person....a cheater. That's it. Don't run and blame Facebook. IN FACT if you cheat with someone on the street or cheat with someone you work with you can blame it on impulse. If you've been chatting someone up on Facebook everyone knows you planned it. You can say you didn't but you, me your husband/wife and everyone else knows it.

It's like when you go out and tell yourself you're not going to drink too much or whatever your vice is, but you know you're going to drink too much. If you have to tell yourself not to do something it usually means you're going to do it. If you didn't want to do it, you simply wouldn't or you'd avoid it. People know when they're going to screw someone.

If I'm in a relationship, you know how I avoid cheating? I simply don't do it. Keep in mind I deal with gorgeous women all the time (the fun part of directing indy action/horror films) so it's not like women aren't around. So what's the problem? 

Simple. People always want what they don't have. If we have a good husband or wife and we see something else that looks better we suddenly want to throw it all away. Websites like survivinginfidelity.com frequently cite how people have met their affair partners online either at Facebook, on line dating sites or adultery sites that cater to married people with little moral fiber. But no matter what these people all had on thing in common...it was their decision. No one forced them into an affair like some kind of bad Cinemax erotic thriller.

We are a people raised on disposables so some of us don't understand stuff like our spouses (humans) aren't disposable razors or throwaway cameras. When we make those vows many of us haven't thought of their meaning and many don't care. The wedding is a means to an end...to get what you want right now and then throw it away when done.

Many people want to get married, but have no idea what marriage is. They want to get married but not be a wife or husband. When marriage gets hard then the "me" affect kicks in, which is, "How does this affect ME." Being one in the flesh is a religious concept therefore no longer politically correct. So "ME" is the marriage. Many marriages are based on the person falling in love with someone (a selfish emotion) versus loving someone (unselfish giving). 

So yes if you find your husband or wife is secretive about their Facebook or feel they can't give you the password because of their "privacy" being invaded of course they're up to no good. You need to find out what their hiding. (Before you jump on my back consider the fact spouses share bank account numbers, social security numbers, etc, but Facebook passwords are over the line? Sure, dude, whatever). But in a marriage where people know why they're there and know who they are and can simply decide to do what's right (not "What's right for them," but what's right for the marriage) Facebook isn't a problem. And if it is they can usually make a good decision about what to do about it.

To break it down, and listen to me good: If Facebook causes a problem in your marriage, your problem is bigger than Facebook. The cold hard truth. Peace.